Tag Saying No

Beware of the Takers

Steve Keating Leave a comment

I love giving people. Givers are those who freely give of themselves without expecting a thing in return. They simply love being helpful to others. In my opinion, the world would be a better place if we had more pure givers in it. Unfortunately, we also have people who are predominantly takers.

Truth be told, there are people who both give and take. This post isn’t about them. This post is about people who take, take, and take some more. They use people. They get what they can from other people and then leave them in their dust. They ghost people with not a care in the world for any emotional damage they may have caused. They take advantage of anyone they can.

Being taken advantage of can feel frustrating and disempowering. Takers can make you feel insignificant, and they can rob you of your self-respect. The good news is that there are steps you can take to set boundaries and protect yourself from them.

Here are some ideas to help you make sure the takers of the world don’t take too much from you.

1. Recognize the Signs

Over-commitment: Constantly saying “yes” to favors, even when it’s inconvenient.

Unfair exchanges: Others benefiting more from your kindness or work than you do.

Feeling resentment: Regularly feeling drained, unappreciated, or obligated.

2. Build Self-Awareness

Understand your patterns: Reflect on why you allow people to take advantage of you. It might stem from a desire to be liked, fear of conflict, or people-pleasing habits.

Know your worth: Recognize that your time, effort, and feelings are valuable. When you value yourself, it becomes easier to say no.

3. Set Clear Boundaries

Define limits: Decide what is and isn’t acceptable for you in terms of time, effort, and emotional energy.

Be firm and direct: When someone asks for too much, say “no” without guilt. You don’t need to explain yourself excessively; a simple, respectful refusal works.

Example: “I’m sorry, I can’t help with that right now.”

4. Practice Assertiveness

Communicate clearly: Use “I” statements to express your needs. For example, “I feel overwhelmed when I have too many responsibilities” is a non-confrontational way to set boundaries.

Stick to your decisions: If you’ve said no, stand by it. Some people might push your limits, but consistency is key.

5. Stop Apologizing Excessively

Avoid guilt-tripping yourself: Don’t feel the need to over-apologize when you set boundaries. You have the right to prioritize your needs and time.

6. Know When to Distance Yourself

Reduce contact with chronic takers: If someone continues to disregard your boundaries or exploit your kindness, it may be necessary to limit your interactions with them.

7. Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Seek mutually respectful relationships: Focus on building relationships where there is a healthy balance of give and take. People who respect your boundaries will support you in your growth.

8. Learn to Delegate or Say “No”

Prioritize your commitments: Not everything requires your involvement. Delegate tasks when appropriate, or say no to things that don’t align with your priorities or well-being.

9. Develop Emotional Resilience

Recognize emotional manipulation: Stay alert for guilt trips, pressure tactics, or emotional blackmail. Recognizing these strategies helps you resist them.

Stay calm in conflict: Emotional resilience allows you to assert yourself without feeling overwhelmed by others’ reactions.

Don’t become a victim of a taker. No one can take advantage of you unless you allow them to. I realize sometimes it’s very hard to say no; sometimes it is very hard to stand up for yourself. Takers are very good at making it hard to say and do what’s necessary to protect yourself. But you can stop them. You may need to work on your self-respect, practice your assertiveness, and make conscious decisions about how you allow others to treat you.

But all of that is within your control IF YOU make the decision to control it. Take control of those areas of your life, and the takers of the world will take a whole lot less joy from your life.

How to Say No

Steve Keating 5 Comments

This should be the shortest post in the history of blogging. I mean if you want to say no then just say it. Nothing could be easier than that. 

Except for most of us, it’s anything but easy. For a whole lot of us saying no requires a lengthy dissertation on all the other things we have going on in our lives that prevent us from saying  yes. We say no with such remorse that you’d think saying no is a sin against humanity. 

That leads many of us to say yes when the answer clearly needs to be no. We add stress to our lives that doesn’t need to be there. We “over commit” to others at the expense of our own enjoyment and mental health. We allow other people to make their poor choices our problem when we say yes when the answer needs to be no. 

Saying “no” effectively and respectfully is a vital skill in both personal and professional situations. So for those of you who suffer from chronic “yesness” here’s a guide on how to say no in a constructive and polite manner.

1. Acknowledge the request: Begin by acknowledging the person’s request or proposal. This shows that you’ve understood what they’re asking and that you’re taking their needs into consideration.

2. Express appreciation: Show gratitude for their consideration or for thinking of you. This helps maintain a positive tone and demonstrates that you value the relationship.

3. Be clear and concise: State your decision in a straightforward and clear manner. Avoid ambiguity or vagueness that might lead to misunderstandings.

4. Provide a reason (if necessary): If appropriate and if you’re comfortable, provide a brief and honest reason for your decision. This can help the person understand your perspective and minimize potential disappointment. But also understand, in many instances “No” is a complete sentence and no explanation is required. If that seems rude or inconsiderate you may be suffering from severe “yesness.”

5. Offer an alternative (if possible): If you’re declining a request that involves your time or resources, try to offer an alternative solution or suggest another way you might be able to help in the future.

6. Use polite language: Choose your words carefully to ensure your response comes across as polite and respectful. Avoid being overly blunt or negative in your wording. But again, in some instances a basic “No” is neither overly blunt or negative…it is simply No. 

7. Set boundaries: If saying no is about setting personal or professional boundaries, communicate your limits in a firm yet respectful manner. Emphasize the importance of respecting each other’s boundaries.

8. Practice active listening: After delivering your response, take the time to actively listen to the other person’s reaction. This shows that you genuinely care about their feelings and perspective.

9. Stay firm but empathetic: If the person persists or seems disappointed, stay firm in your decision while showing empathy for their feelings. Reiterate your reasons if necessary, and personally, I’m learning it’s rarely necessary.

10. Maintain open communication: Ensure the lines of communication remain open for future interactions. Reassure the person that your decision in this instance does not reflect a lack of interest or commitment to the relationship.
Example: “Thank you so much for thinking of me for this opportunity. I truly appreciate your consideration. However, due to my current commitments, I won’t be able to help with this. I hope you understand. If there’s another way I can help in the future, please let me know.”

Saying No is about asserting yourself while respecting the needs and feelings of others. It’s about protecting one of your most valuable assets, your time. It’s about every now and then putting your own priorities before someone else’s. That doesn’t make you a poor human being, it makes you a healthy one.

Want more of LeadToday? I’ve changed things up on my Twitter feed for subscribers. I recently began publishing two or three videos each week focusing on an element of Authentic Leadership. I’ll post these videos each Tuesday and Thursday morning. Sometimes a bonus video pops up at other times during the week. They will be about 10 minutes long so we can get into the topic in a more meaningful way. The investment for subscribers in still only $4.99 a month. That’s for at least 80 MINUTES of quality video content on leadership a month.

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Here’s the link to my Twitter… https://twitter.com/leadtoday

Two Words to Change Your Life

Steve Keating 4 Comments

Yes or no? That seems like such a simple question. Except the results that come from the answer are often anything but simple. 

 

The answer can literally change your life. 

 

Most people focus on the “yes” side of that question. That’s because they often assume that their success will come from what they decide to do. That’s often a correct assumption. It’s also often not a correct assumption.

 

Your success will just as often be determined by what you don’t do as what you do. The things you say no to, the thing you choose not to do, some of the things you’ve been doing that you decide to not do anymore can have every bit the impact on your success as the things you say yes to.

 

It’s common to assume that to have more you must do more. Every day business people talk about the need to do MORE, often with less resources. We hear more more more all the time. 

 

But here’s the problem with doing more…and more and more. You don’t get more time to do it. You can only do so much and by saying yes to everything you’re asked to do you will eventually wear yourself out. 

 

Unless…

 

Unless you say no to some of the things you’re already doing. When I offer that “say no” advice to people in workshops or presentations I’m told “but I can’t stop doing anything, it’s all important.”

 

Well not exactly. If you would stop for a minute or two and actually evaluate how you use your time each day I’d bet you would discover LOTS of things that you do that add no value to you or anyone else. Maybe they did at one point but they don’t anymore. Yet you keep doing them because you’ve “always” done them. 

 

What actions or activities do you preform on a daily or almost daily basis that give you no return for your investment of time? When was the last time you asked yourself that question? 

 

You have 1440 minutes in a day. No more and no less. Exactly like every other person on the planet. 

 

So how is it that some people seem to have so much more time than you? Well they don’t automatically say yes to anything and they say no to far more things than less successful people. 

 

It’s probably true that if you want more you’re going to have to do more to get it. But don’t forget, in order to do more productive things you have to stop doing less productive things first. 


Say no more often so you can enthusiastically say yes more often too. One no or the yes that follows it could even change your life.