Tag Happiness

Turn, Turn, Turn

Steve Keating 1 Comment

There was a great song preformed by The Byrds. I think it was from the 1960’s or maybe the 70’s. It’s one of those songs that when you get the tune into your head it’s hard to get it out. If you pay attention to the lyrics they are hard to get out of your head too. That’s because the lyrics describe the seasons of our lives better than any song I’ve heard. 

The name of the song is Turn Turn Turn. Here are the lyrics:

To everything (turn, turn, turn)

There is a season (turn, turn, turn)

And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die

A time to plant, a time to reap

A time to kill, a time to heal

A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything (turn, turn, turn)

There is a season (turn, turn, turn)

And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time to build up, a time to break down

A time to dance, a time to mourn

A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To everything (turn, turn, turn)

There is a season (turn, turn, turn)

And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time of love, a time of hate

A time of war, a time of peace

A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing

To everything (turn, turn, turn)

There is a season (turn, turn, turn)

And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose

A time to rend, a time to sew

A time for love, a time for hate

A time for peace, I swear it’s not too late….

Our lives really are divided into seasons. I think many people know that, the challenges start when we don’t live that way. 

Much of the stress in our lives is caused by trying to extend a season for longer than it was intended. Relationships begin and end. Some last a very long time and some are gone before we know it. That’s life. 

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than risk cutting yourself trying to put them back together. 

Careers are upended, often with little or no notice. I know an individual who lost his job early in the pandemic. He hasn’t worked since. He says he just can’t let go of what he had. He can’t begin anew because he is weighted down by a season that has passed. It’s time to turn, turn, turn but he insists on remaining in the past. 

As strange as it may sound the “advice” found in the lyrics of Turn Turn Turn is pretty sound. (Pardon the pun) Everything in life has a beginning and an end, when we remember that it makes the transition from one season to another a little easier. 

Let go what needs letting go of and realize that most everything will eventually need to be let go. When you do, you’ll live a happier and more productive life. 

Living Up to Expectations

Steve Keating 4 Comments

I’m a huge disappointment to some people. I don’t know who exactly but I’m sure I’ve disappointed some people along to way to where I am, which is right where I want to be. 

While I may have not lived up to other people’s expectations for my life I’ve most definitely lived up to mine so I’m good. In fact, very good. 

I’ve known plenty of people who have lived a stress filled life. Much of their stress was caused by trying to live up to other people’s expectations for their life. They didn’t want to disappoint anyone. I would frequently try to help them by pointing out that they were someone too and their expectations for their life mattered most.

If you truly want a happy life the first thing you need to know is that you are not obligated to live up to anyone’s expectations except your own. Your needs and wants matter! You may not live longer but you’ll live a lot better if you do things because YOU care about them. If you do things because YOU feel they are the right thing to do. You’ll be a ton happier if you stop doing things because someone else expects you to.

Sometimes living up to your own expectations will mean going it alone. That’s okay, you don’t need someone holding your hand every step of the way. You don’t need anyone’s permission to live your life. Some people who begin your journey with you will fall way before you finish. Don’t feel bad that they are in their own path…that’s why we are called individuals. 

Don’t let anyone tell you what’s possible for you. People will try to put their expectations on you with seemingly harmless little phrases like, “be realistic.” If people like Steve Jobs had been realistic I wouldn’t be writing this on an iPad right now. Trust your instincts, only you know  what’s possible for you. Trusting yourself, believing in yourself, is the most realistic thing you’ll ever do. 

One of my great mentors once told me that every person has three versions of themselves. The version that other people think they are. The person they think they need to be, that’s the version of ourselves that we try to portray to other people. Then there’s the third version, that’s who we really are. We rarely show that person to other people, sometimes we even try to hide it from ourselves.

When we try to live up to someone else’s expectations it creates huge “gaps” between those 3 versions. Those gaps create stress in our lives. Living up to your own expectations closes those gaps. But you must be honest with yourself about what and who you want to be. You must also be willing to disappoint a few people who think they know you better than you know yourself.

The best advice I’ve ever received is the best advice I can ever give. That advice is to be you. The right people, the people who should be in your life will find you. The right people will accept you as you are. Their expectations for you will be what YOU want for yourself. The people who care about you will help you along the way. They will finish the journey with you. 

It’s hard to completely shut out other people’s expectations for your life. But the more you can live your life according to YOUR own expectations the better your life will be. 

The Power of Gratitude

Steve Keating 3 Comments

Of all the attributes successful people possess few are more important than a grateful heart.

Back in my days of working with the Dale Carnegie Organization there was a 50 something guy in one of our classes who looked very successful. He obviously had money, drove his choice of the many fancy cars he owned. He had houses (notice I didn’t say homes) around the world in which he could live comfortably. At first glance he appeared to have it all.

But it was never enough. He was one of the most unhappy and “relationship poor” people I had ever met.

The stories he told were in stark contrast to the ones told by a 30 something guy with 5 kids. It seemed as if every example from the younger man was laced with struggles and challenges that the older man knew nothing about. His stories were also filled with something else missing from the older man’s…a grateful heart.

He appreciated the opportunity every challenge presented him. He appreciated the chance to learn and overcome obstacles which he knew would better prepare him for the future. He found “the silver lining” in every cloud.

It was in that particular 12 week Dale Carnegie course that I learned about the true power of gratefulness.

The older, more successful appearing man in the 12 week program knew nothing of his gifts. He knew little of his actual strengths, and he had long ago surrendered his power to be happy.

The younger man’s thoughts were focused on appreciating what he had, not what he wanted. He was thankful for what he was able to earn. Thankful for his God given gifts that made it possible for him to support his family. Thankful for his one overcrowded home in a modest neighborhood and I suspect thankful every time his 20 year old car actually started.

He was happy and as far as he was concerned, one of the richest people on earth.

Now I ask you…which of those two men was the most successful?

You may find this difficult to believe if you find yourself struggling. You will find it hard to believe if you’re a “keeping up with the Joneses” type person. But your greatest happiness is within you, not in chasing what you’re without.

Practice gratefulness each day. Absolutely work hard for your dreams but make time each day to also appreciate what you already have.

If you find it hard to be grateful for what you have today it’s very likely you’ll find it just as hard to be grateful for what you may have tomorrow. It has been my experience that an ungrateful heart is also an unhappy one.

“Things” will never make you happy but the power of gratitude most certainly will. If nothing else, be grateful for that.

Be the Very Best You

Steve Keating 1 Comment

You are more, way more, than good enough. There is no need to try to be something you’re not just because some fool may have told you at some point in your life that you weren’t good enough.

You are special. You are unique. You are the way you are for a purpose. If other people don’t know your purpose then that’s their problem. If you don’t know your purpose then that’s your problem…and it’s kind of a big one.

It’s a problem for you because not understanding your purpose will often prevent you from accomplishing it. Not knowing, and living, your purpose in life can also cause you to attempt to live a life you’re not meant to live. It can cause you to pretend to be something, or worse, someone you’re not.

This is a pretty big statement but I’m going to say it anyway: you are always better off being yourself then you are trying to be someone that somebody else thinks you should be. I do not believe it possible to be truly happy living solely for other people. I do not believe life-long happiness can come from chasing other people’s dream for you. No matter how well meaning their dreams for you might be.

To stop any temptation to try living out someone else’s idea of what your life should be you need to discover your purpose in life. That can be a life long journey and it can change over time. That’s okay. If whatever you’re doing today is on purpose and for a purpose then it doesn’t matter if that purpose is different from last year or next.

People discover their purpose in life in different ways. Some kind of stumble upon it and some are very intentional about finding it. Some people are living it and not even realizing it. But living it and not realizing it still makes it possible for someone else’s judgment about your life to knock you off the track of a purposeful life.

So I recommend the intentional route.

Try to discover what drives you. When I was a younger salesperson I loved chasing a deal. I especially loved earning the business of a customer who had previously said they would never buy from me. Sales kinda came naturally to me.

But what was even more fulfilling to me was helping other people chase down a deal that I believed they could get even when they didn’t. I don’t know why but I’ve always liked seeing other people succeed with my help, even if I didn’t get “credit” for it. I admit that hasn’t always served my career well but it has served my life well.

Discover what you’re willing to sacrifice to live a life of purpose. It sounds like a generality but if you’re not making any sacrifices to live a life of purpose then the life you’re living might not be all that purposeful.

Lots of people want to do things. But out of all those people it’s the ones willing to make a sacrifice to do them that will actually accomplish them. Most everyone you ask would say that they would like to make a difference in the world if only they could. But when asked what they would give up to make that difference too many lose interest pretty quickly. Those people will always struggle to live a purpose driven life.

When I think of living a purpose driven life I’m reminded of a poem I first heard years ago. Here it is: “Your task is to build a better world,” said God. I answered, “how? The world is such a large, vast place, so complicated now. And I, so small and helpless. There’s nothing I can do.” And God, in His great wisdom said, “just build a better you!”

One of the most effective ways to discover your purpose in life is to focus on building a better you. If you’re living the life that someone else wants you to live or if you’re pretending to be someone you’re not, the process of building a better you will stop that in its tracks.

Don’t try to be someone or something you’re not. Be the very best you that you can possibly be and you’ll have success and happiness all the days of your life.

What Are You Worried About?

Steve Keating 1 Comment

It seems as if no matter where you live in the world there are plenty of things to worry about. I suppose many of those things are worth worrying about. Many of the things we worry about however are not worth the worry and stress we put into them. 

 

One of the things that many people worry about that they shouldn’t is other people’s opinion of them. Don’t get me wrong, there are people who’s opinion matters to me… a lot. There’s just not very many of them. Not very many at all. 

 

Popeye said “I am what I am and that’s all that I am.” I’m like Popeye, (except for the spinach part) I am what I am. I’m pretty comfortable with that. I’m also comfortable with the fact that there are  people who won’t like that. That’s their concern not mine. 

 

If you’re like me there are lots of areas of your life you could improve. You could be a better spouse, a better parent, a better friend, a better leader. Those are areas where change is required in order for improvement to take place. But I won’t change my beliefs or sacrifice my principles to try and be something or someone that more people might like. I’d gladly accept the respect of a handful of people over the “likes” of a roomful. 

 

You can’t control other people’s opinions of you without giving up at least part of what makes you the person you are. So don’t waste time trying. Simply be the very best version of you that you can be. 

 

I do not believe it’s possible to experience true success when you’re trying to be what other people want you to be. Get used to the fact that there will be people who do not like the genuine version of you. It is far far far more important that YOU like the genuine version of you. If you’re okay with you then the people who are supposed to matter in your life will be okay with you too. 

 

Stress and worry will creep into your life, there is just too much happening today to block worry completely out of your life. But do not fuel your worry fire by adding the opinions of people who don’t know you, don’t really care about you and don’t respect you to the gas can. 


I’ve always liked the Bobby McFerrin song “Don’t Worry be Happy” but if you really want to be happy just be you!


What Did You Learn Today?

Steve Keating 6 Comments

I was in Boston earlier this year to give a Leadership Presentation. At some point during the talk I said that “every person on earth knows something that you don’t.” My point was that if we keep an open mind we can learn something from everyone we meet.

The next day I hopped in a cab for the short ride from Back Bay to Logan Airport. We were just a couple of blocks from my hotel when a car cut in front of us and my cab driver was forced to hit the brakes a little hard. 

He laughed a bit as he apologized and said that in his city there were many important people who were always in a hurry. He didn’t seem the least bit angry or frustrated by an occurrence that must happen frequently. 

I couldn’t place his accent but I could tell for sure that he wasn’t a native Bostonian; he probably wasn’t born in the U.S. either. But he had a wonderful sense about him; you could just tell he loved driving a cab and he loved the City of Boston.  

I asked him how long he had been driving a cab and he said “a very long time.” He had “completed” school and held several jobs before this one but he really loved this one because he learned more driving a cab than “in all his years of school.” 

He said his cab was like a classroom where he could study people. Over the years he had seen wealthy people who were never happy, happy people who would never be wealthy and poor people who were just happy to be alive.

He said “when you put them all in a pot together you learn that real happiness ain’t nothing more than a choice.” He says a prayer each day before he gets in his cab; he asks for wisdom to remember “his lessons” and for patience when the people around him don’t remember theirs.

He was an absolutely fascinating person to talk with. I had no idea when I got into that cab that a life lesson was waiting for me. It really is true, when you keep an open mind you can learn something from virtually anyone.

That also means you can learn something new almost every single day. With that in mind, what have you learned today? 

Should You Quit Your Job?

Steve Keating 10 Comments

I’m tempted to make this post very short and say to quit your job the moment it begins to feel like work….but I know that not everyone is blessed with a job that they love.

When to quit your job is a big, difficult decision for many people. It should be, it’s a life altering decision. Younger people tend to quit their job too soon, they jump ship before they realize that what they don’t like about their job may be themselves. They get to their new place of employment and there they are; and many of their problems came with them. Older people sometimes stay too long, they “hang on” and overstay their usefulness instead of moving on to somewhere else where they might make a real difference.

Of course one of the biggest differences between younger and older employees is this: for younger people work is something they do; for older people work is some place they go. Younger employees work is “portable” but older employees work is located at a place filled with familiarity and that can be tough to leave.

So, when should you quit your job? My recommendation is to leave your job when it stops providing you the opportunity and environment where you can be happy. Now I want you to read that last sentence very carefully. It says stops providing you “the opportunity and environment”  to be happy. 

Do not expect your job or company to make you happy. It is not a requirement for your employer to make you happy. Companies that want to retain employees will however provide an environment where happiness and fulfillment are possible.

But your happiness is your responsibility. It is also your choice. When you allow others, your boss, your company or whatever, to determine your level of happiness then you give up a pretty important choice.

Successful people accept responsibility for all aspects of their life, including their happiness. 

Companies that provide that opportunity and environment have several things in common, here are a few of them:

They have trusted leadership. It’s tough to be happy when you’re looking over your shoulder.

They provide opportunities for advancement. Now once again let me point out that word “opportunity.” Opportunity does not mean a constant string of raises and promotions, it merely means the possibility for both exist when you EARN them.

They provide the opportunity for self-development. Companies are either developing their employees or they are using them. If you’re feeling used it will be nearly impossible to be truly happy. However, if your company offers you educational opportunities and you decline to accept them then you’re not being used. You’re just cheating yourself out of self-development that could lead to greater success.

Success to me is about much more than making a living, it’s about making a life. To make a life I believe that you must make a difference. 

If the place that you work does not allow you to make a difference then find some place that does. You of course do not have to make a life at the same place that you make a living. I might even encourage you to have more than one “place” in your life.

One more thing… if you do choose to stay at your job then you MUST do the job to the absolute best of your ability whether you like it or not. Failing to do so isn’t a whole lot different than stealing. If you accept the compensation then accept the work as well.