Tag Fear

How to Overcome Fear

Steve Keating 4 Comments

Our mind can play all kinds of tricks on us. It can fool us into believing things that aren’t true and disbelieving things that are. The “experts” say the only place fear exists is in our minds. I’m not so sure about that, it seems very real to me at times.

But then I think about watching a scary movie and jumping out of my seat as if the scary thing can get to me. Obviously, that kind of fear is only in my mind. The experts say there is no other kind of fear, it’s all in our mind.

I’ve often heard it said that courage is not the absence of fear, it’s moving forward despite the fear. When you ask courageous people how they overcame their fear they will frequently respond with some sort of comment about blocking it out of their mind.

So there you go… fear indeed seems to be a mind thing. No matter how real it seems.

But blocking fear from you mind is far easier said than done. When we manage to pull it off however, it’s pretty darn rewarding. Here are some strategies that can help us stop fear from damaging our progress towards success.

• Understand Your Fear: Take some time to identify what exactly you’re afraid of and why. Understanding the root cause of your fear can help you address it more effectively. You may even figure out on your own that your fear is indeed a mere mirage.

• Educate Yourself: Sometimes fear stems from ignorance or misunderstanding. Educating yourself about the object of your fear can help demystify it and make it less intimidating.

• Face Your Fear Gradually: Instead of avoiding what you fear, try facing it in small, manageable steps. Gradual exposure can desensitize you to the fear over time. You’ll be surprised how well this works, so surprised that you may wonder why you ever let fear take hold in the first place.

• Challenge Negative Thoughts: Fear often feeds on negative thoughts and beliefs. Challenge these thoughts by asking yourself if they’re rational or if there’s evidence to support them. If there’s no evidence then you’ll know your mind is tricking you.

• Seek Support: Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends or family for support. Talking about your fears with others can help you gain perspective and find solutions.

• Visualize Success: Spend some time visualizing yourself overcoming your fear and achieving your goals. This can help build confidence and motivation. For a long time I thought this visualization stuff was all mumble jumble. But I’ve met a heck of a lot of very successful people who swear by it.

• Set Realistic Goals: Set small, achievable goals for yourself related to overcoming your fear. Celebrate your progress along the way to keep yourself motivated.

• Stay Persistent: Overcoming fear is often a gradual process that requires persistence and determination. Keep pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone, even if progress feels slow at times.

Remember that everyone experiences fear at some point in their lives. It’s a normal part of being human. The key is not to let fear control you or hold you back from living the life you want.

The Best Stress Eliminator, EVER!

Steve Keating 1 Comment

For most people the majority of the stress in their lives is self-inflected. We worry about stuff that hasn’t happened and likely never will. We imagine unlikely possibilities over and over until we are convinced they are almost certain to happen.

Nothing eliminates stress and worry better than action. The most effective action you can take to eliminate stress from your life is to make decisions.

Sitting around wondering what to do and when to do it mixes life into a toxic combination of fear, worry and stress. Making a decision and acting on it becomes a powerful elixir of motivating control over your life. 

You may be thinking that if the whole decision making and taking action thing was as easy as I make it sound you would have already done it. Well, I’ll admit that sometimes it’s not so easy but I’ve never seen a time where it wasn’t possible. So I’ll share with you now 7 “mini actions” that by themselves are far easier to do. When done together and in order they lead to nothing less than freedom from that toxic combination.

First resolve to do something about the situation that is causing you the stress. If that seems simplistic it isn’t. Many many people dwell on their problems with the assumption that “there is nothing they can do.” The first little baby step is deciding that you will try something to free yourself from that situation. You MUST know that every situation is temporary, the question is will you control your future or allow circumstances to control it for you.

Next gather information. Some of the information you’ll need to make a good decision will come from self-reflection. What are your strengths, what are your weaknesses. Some of the information will come from outside sources. Books, online research that pertains to your situation and trusted friends. Be sure to talk only to friends and family that care enough about you to be honest and that have your best interests in mind.

The information you collect will likely lead to several possible action steps. Make a list of all the possible alternations. Use your desired outcome to create additional alternatives if none of the alternatives you see take you where you want to go.

Now you’ll need to weigh the alternatives against your desired outcome using your personal values to guide you to choosing the best one. List the alternatives in priority order with the one most likely to help you achieve your goal as number one. Number one will become Plan A but plans don’t always work so you’ll want a Plan B and C. That eliminates the stress of worrying about what happens if Plan A doesn’t work. You’ll know exactly what you will do next.

Choose your alternative. If you can’t decide between two alternatives then flip a coin. If that sounds like a ridiculous way to determine your future then consider this…in the moment that coin is in the air you’ll know exactly which way you hope it falls. You will have made your decision! 

The most important step is acting on your decision. Action defeats stress and worry. Even if the decision turns out to be the wrong decision you will have made progress. Even a little progress, maybe even in the not so right direction, is better than sitting still wallowing in stress. 

Share your decision and plan with people who care about you. Ask them for help with accountability to stick with your plan. Ask them to make sure your action is constant until the stress inducing situation is resolved. 

You do not need stress in your life. Decisions and the actions that follow eliminates stress. Now, stop thinking about this post and DO something.

Procrastination and It’s Cousin Fear

Steve Keating 5 Comments

Procrastination hardly ever enters a person’s life by force. It’s most often invited in by it’s close cousin fear. That being the case perhaps the most effective way to end procrastination in your life is to stop being afraid. 

I’ve had lots of good excuses for procrastinating in my life. Didn’t know where to start. Didn’t have time to get started. Wasn’t going to have time to finish so why start at all. Had more important things to do. “Somebody” would be unhappy if I did it. Didn’t have money to do it. Didn’t know how to do it.

Most procrastinators have great excuses for not taking action. But they will seldom tell you the real reason. They won’t even tell themselves. 

The real reason is fear. The biggest reason I suppose is fear of failure. I can tell you that pretty much every time I’ve failed to take action that would have led to success it was because fear held me back. 

Every time I missed a sales goal it was because fear held me back. Fear of prospecting, fear of asking for the order, even fear of asking a customer basic questions. It probably never looked like fear to someone else, it most likely looked like your run of the mill procrastination. 

But fear was driving the procrastination. 

It was the same for trying new things, attempting something new. “Tomorrow” became a shield against the fear of not knowing how to start, not knowing how to avoid looking like a fool if something went wrong. 

I never really overcame procrastination, I kinda outlasted it. I’ve had enough success now that I don’t have to worry about failing. If I fail I can just shrug and move on. But here’s what I have learned through my success and failures…I could have always shrugged off the failures. I didn’t need a base of success to do that. 

And neither do you. Failure is a part of success and the sooner you get some failures under your belt the sooner you can stop worrying about it. Procrastination quickly loses it’s interest in people who don’t fear failure. 

Now yes, as some of you will point out, sometimes plain laziness leads to procrastination too. That is true but when compared to fear laziness is a distant relative. Fear and procrastination grew up together, they are inseparable, they can finish each other’s sentences. 

Eliminate fear and procrastination has no place to live in your life. You can do it, you only need to begin the focus on the potential for success rather than the unlikely failure. 

The sooner you try the sooner you’ll wonder why you ever procrastinated in the first place.

Try today! 

Weak Leaders – Part Two

Steve Keating 3 Comments

Strong Authentic Leaders make decisions. Perhaps surprisingly, so do weak leaders. What separates the two is that strong leaders act an those decisions almost immediately while weaker leaders hesitate…if they act at all.

There are lots of reason they hesitate. The biggest is fear of failure. They somehow get it in their heads that trying and failing is worse than not trying at all. Nothing could be further from the truth. All successful people fail, at least temporarily. The fact that they tried allows them to try again. Again and again, until the failure is behind them.

Not trying at all means that failure, and make no mistake, not trying is a HUGE failure, it means that the failure will always be with you. Never to be left behind. 

The first step in an action plan is often the hardest. Strong Authentic Leaders know that heavy trains often require an extra engine to get started. That’s why they aren’t afraid to ask for a little help to get going. It’s amazing the momentum that can be created with a single step. Unfortunately, weak leaders too often don’t take that step.

Weak leaders often use patience as an excuse for not starting. They are waiting for “just the right time” to begin, perhaps not realizing what they are doing is actually procrastinating. Patience is the acceptance that things can happen in a different order than you had imagined. Procrastination is waiting for the sake of waiting. Patience can provide benefits, procrastination simply kills opportunities for success. Strong Authentic Leaders know the difference. 

Strong Authentic Leaders do the hard jobs first. They know that there are only three options available when facing any challenge, they can delay, dodge or do. Strong leaders do. Weak Leaders do too but they do the easy things first hoping somehow that the hard things will either go away, be handled miraculously by someone else or that no one will notice they were never done at all. 

Weak Leaders are slow to start because they see risk in every opportunity. Strong Authentic Leaders are always moving forward because they see opportunity in every risk. Risk is a requirement for progress. Risk is a part of success. Strong Authentic Leaders are willing to take a risk, a well calculated, considered risk, in order to have a chance to lead. 

If you’re in a leadership position and find yourself hesitating then you need to ask yourself why. Are you risk adverse? Fearing failure? A wee bit too lazy to tackle the challenges of leadership? Or afraid of appearing weak by asking for help?

Well none of those are valid reasons for hesitating, they are excuses. The kind of excuses Strong Authentic Leaders do not make. So instead of making excuses start making decisions and taking action to make things happen. It won’t take long before you wonder why you weren’t doing that all along.

The Enemy Within a Me

Steve Keating 7 Comments

People get frustrated with me when I tell them that it’s very likely the greatest obstacle to success they face is themselves. 

They tell me I don’t understand, but I do. They tell me I don’t know, but I do. They tell me I don’t know how tough it can be “out there,” but I do. 

I also know that in any situation where I’ve struggled to advance or accomplish a goal my greatest enemy was within me. That enemy slowed down my progress. My doubts about my own abilities prevented me from moving forward. Those doubts opened the door to my true enemy which was fear of failure. 

Despite the compliments I get about my speaking ability, the things I write and other stuff I do, I know this undeniable truth about myself…overall I’m a pretty average person. I don’t say that about myself in a bad way, in fact my “averageness” is one of my greatest strengths. It helps me relate to the people I’m trying to help. 

That’s why I can say with a high degree of confidence, I do understand, I do know. 

I also know my main enemy is within a me! 

I know the best way for me to block that enemy is to believe in myself. People who believe in themselves are pretty darn near impossible to stop. When YOU believe in yourself you are pretty much unstoppable.

Believing in yourself leaves no room for doubt. Without doubt to open the door fear has no way into your head. 

Any battle is halfway won when when your enemy within is kept away. Obstacles become opportunities when the enemy within you can’t mess with your head. 

So the next time doubt starts to creep into your thoughts you need to immediately ask yourself,  “is this an actual problem, or is this the enemy within a me just tearing down my confidence?”

If you’re average like me, and most of you are, (see, that’s how “average” works) you’ll know it’s the enemy within. You should also know you can defeat it by ignoring it. I know that if you believe in yourself you will be unstoppable. 

I know that about you cause I know that about me. I’ll never let the enemy within a me make me doubt my ability and neither you should you.

Fear Isn’t Real

Steve Keating Leave a comment

There seems to be a lot of fear going around these days. Fear of getting sick, fear of going broke, fear of going broke because you got sick, fear of the unknown and apparently even fear of running out of toilet paper.

All this fear going around is kinda weird since fear isn’t actually real. You can see someone who appears to be scared but you can’t see the fear. You can hear someone scream but you’ve never heard fear make a sound. Fear has no odor, no color and no taste. Show me what fear looks like and I’ll hold up a mirror and show you someone with a vivid imagination.

You’ve never seen fear because fear doesn’t exist.

Dale Carnegie once said the “the only place fear exists is in our minds.” If that were all there was to it then no one would ever be afraid. Unfortunately the mind is very powerful and it frequently convinces us that the unreal is indeed very real.

When your mind convinces you that your fear is real the effects can be devastating. Fear can be and often is fatal to dreams. It paralyzes our thinking and it spreads quickly. Allowed to exist long enough fear will consume all rational thinking. When relational thinking is gone fear can play all kinds of tricks on us. It’s favorite trick seems to be making us believe the possible is actually impossible.

The good news is that there is an antidote for fear. It’s called action. Almost any action will do but nothing beats carefully considered, planned out action.

That is one reason I have so many plans. Plans in case I lose my income. Plans in case I get sick and can’t work. Plans for things out of my control. Yes, I understand that I can’t control things out of my control but I can certainly have a plan for how I will respond to them. So can you!

I have plans so when fear attempts to overtake me I don’t have to think…I just have to take whatever actions my plan says to take. That fake sensation of fear gets swamped by action.

Having a plan before fear attempts it’s takeover is best but it’s not essential. But when fear begins to creep in you must act quickly. Just do something. Do one thing that you know is right. Then do another, a couple of quick actions will buy you a bit of time to do some planning. Be sure that your plan includes lots of action steps because every action you take will weaken fear’s ability to hold you back.

As powerful as fear can feel at times the reality is that fear has only the power that you allow it to have. The secret to eliminating fear in your life is to believe in yourself more than you believe in fear.

Fear is an illusion that is easily exposed by logical thoughts and actions. YOU CAN beat it. You can outthink it. You can out hustle it. You can overpower it with a belief in yourself.

The only question is whether or not you believe you can.

So, do you believe?

Second Thoughts

Steve Keating 1 Comment

It is okay to doubt yourself for a moment. The only people who don’t have second thoughts are the ones who have few thoughts in the first place. 

 

Having a doubt in your mind doesn’t mean you’re a doubter. It means you have the mental capacity to re-think something. Many times a second thought will sharpen your decision, not change it. 

 

Second thoughts cause you to ask yourself questions, find alternatives and take the appropriate action. Second thoughts slow us down and give us time to reflect on the decision we just made. Second thoughts can serve a valuable purpose. 

 

But…

 

Second thoughts can also come straight out of fear. Fear of failure, fear of being wrong, fear of upsetting or disappointing someone. Second thoughts born out of fear are almost always a very stressful experience. 

 

Second thoughts sometimes stem from a lack of self-confidence. Those second thoughts are demotivating and cause you to doubt not just your decisions but your abilities, values, and even your relationships with others. Second thoughts based on a lack of confidence in yourself actually feed on themselves and grow every time you experience doubt. 

 

Second thoughts from fear or a confidence issue serve no useful purpose because they cause you to ask the wrong questions. They cause you to question yourself more than the decision you made. These kinds of second thoughts don’t sharpen a decision or even change a decision, they simply delay it or eliminate the decision completely. 

 

So when you’re having second thoughts you need to determine the source of that doubt. If it’s coming from fear then remember that the only place that fear exists is in our minds. Fear can not make a home in your head unless you allow it. The fastest and most effective way to deal with fear is to take action. Do the thing you fear the most and fear will no longer have control over you. 

 

If your second thoughts are coming from a lack of self-confidence then you need to remind yourself of all your past successes. If you’ve succeeded before then you can absolutely do it again. You need to ask yourself what’s the worst that can happen if you move forward with your decision. Realize that in most cases you are perfectly capable of dealing with that “worst.” Rethink your decision to determine how you can minimize that “worst case” and then move forward. 

 

Not making a decision due to second thoughts IS a decision. It’s a decision to do nothing and doing nothing is almost always wrong. 


People who never have second thoughts are know it alls who most often know nothing at all. You actually want to have second thoughts. Use them to make better, more confident decisions. There is no doubt, no doubt at all, that it will lead you to a better life!