Tag Complaining

How to Stop Being a Complainer

Steve Keating 1 Comment

Okay, I’d be the first to admit that on the surface, there is a whole lot to complain about these days. I won’t list them all here cause I like to keep my posts under a million words. But we know what the big ones are. When we add in our own little pet peeves it’s pretty easy to be complaining all the time.

But that is incredibly unproductive. It’s also unhealthy. It robs you of your joy. It’s steals your creativity. It makes you less fun to be around, I mean let’s face it, we don’t even like ourselves when we’re in complainer mode.

It’s so easy to fall into the complainer trap. We often do it without giving it a second thought. Someone asks us how our day is going and we launch into a stream of everything that’s wrong in the world. All that accomplishes is making the person regret asking us in the first place.

If you want to stop being a complainer you need to give your answer a second thought. When someone says how is your day going consider the impact your words will have on their day. Do you want to make their day better or drag them down to your level? One of the surest ways to up the positivity of your own day is to consider your impact on other people.

Here are a few thoughts on what you may want to be thinking about when you’re giving your answer that “second thought.”

• Self-awareness: The first step to change is recognizing that you tend to complain. Pay attention to your thoughts and speech patterns. Are you frequently expressing dissatisfaction or negativity about various aspects of your life? Acknowledging the issue is the first step towards improvement.

• Identify triggers: Determine what prompts you to complain. Is it stress, frustration, boredom, or a particular situation or person? Understanding your triggers can help you address the root causes of your complaints.

• Practice gratitude: Cultivate a mindset of gratitude by regularly acknowledging the positive aspects of your life. You can keep a gratitude journal where you write down things you’re thankful for each day. This practice can shift your focus away from complaining and towards appreciation.

• Reframe your thoughts: Instead of dwelling on what’s wrong, make an effort to reframe your thoughts and focus on solutions and positive aspects. When something bothers you, try to find a more constructive perspective and identify actions you can take to address the issue.

• Limit exposure to negativity: Surround yourself with positive and supportive people. If you find that certain individuals or environments encourage complaining, consider reducing your exposure to them or setting boundaries to protect your positivity.

• Practice active listening: Be mindful of how much you complain in conversations with others. Instead of constantly talking about your own problems, listen actively to others, show empathy, and engage in meaningful discussions that don’t revolve around complaints.

• Problem-solving: If you have legitimate concerns or issues, focus on problem-solving rather than venting. Identify the problem, brainstorm potential solutions, and take action to address it. This proactive approach can help you feel more in control of your life.

• Maintain a positive mindset: Work on developing a more positive outlook on life. This can include reading self-help books, practicing mindfulness, or seeking the support of a therapist or counselor to address deeper issues that may contribute to your tendency to complain.

• Choose your words carefully: Pay attention to your language and try to avoid using overly negative or critical words. The way you express yourself can influence your mindset and how others perceive you.

• Set goals and stay focused: Having clear goals and a sense of purpose can help you stay motivated and positive. When you’re actively working towards something meaningful, you’re less likely to get caught up in complaining.

• Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and understand that everyone has moments of frustration or negativity. Don’t beat yourself up for complaining; instead, use it as an opportunity for self-improvement and growth.

• Seek support: If you find it challenging to stop complaining on your own, consider enlisting the support of friends, family, or a mentor who can help you on your journey to becoming a more positive and solution-oriented person.

Changing your habits and mindset takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress along the way. Over time, with consistent practice and self-awareness, you can become less of a complainer and more of a positive, solution-focused person.

Looking for Problems

Steve Keating 4 Comments

Someone told me recently that looking for problems is not a healthy outlook. I suggested to them that at least in business, not looking for problems was a fatal outlook.

I suppose it all depends on why you’re looking for problems. If you’re looking for problems so that you always have a fresh supply of things to complain about then obviously that is not helping anyone. Especially you. 

If you’re looking for problems so they can be changed from an obstacle to an opportunity well then that’s a completely different story. 

I think everyone looks for problems. I also think everyone looks for problems for both of those reasons. The question is, how much time do you spend looking for problems to complain about and how much time do you invest in looking for problems to solve? 

The answer to that question provides a huge clue about the level of your success. 

We all sometimes fall into the trap of complaining about problems. The most successful people don’t complain for long. 

The most successful people look for problems with the intent to solve them. They may solve a problem for others or they may want to solve a problem for themselves. They may also want to solve problems to make money cause making life easier for others can be very profitable. 

Here’s the difference between looking for problems to find problems and looking for problems to solve. One leads to a healthy outlook on life and one leads to permanent attendance at the world’s largest pity party. 

When successful people walk into a pity party they immediately start looking for a door to get themselves back out. Walking in may have felt good but they just can’t tolerate the atmosphere once they are inside. 

The exit door they are looking for is labeled “Positive Attitude.” It is labeled that way because it is impossible to wallow in problems when you have a positive attitude. 

Maintaining a positive attitude is step one in solving any problem. A positive attitude widens your vision. It allows you to not only see the problem but all the potential solutions orbiting around the problem. 

There has yet to be a problem discovered that doesn’t have a solution. There are only problems that have yet to have their solution discovered. 

I have also yet to see a problem that was solved by merely complaining about it. There are likely enough people reading this that one of you will one day solve what today is thought to be an unsolvable problem. Of that I have no doubt. 

One of you will cure an incurable disease. One of you will invent something that will make the world more livable, even if we don’t know we need it today. It’s not that hard because even if the problem you’ve solved only makes the world better for one person you have still made the world a better place. 

That all begins with making the choice to solve a problem rather than complain about it. 

Will YOU make that choice today?

Weak Leaders – Part One

Steve Keating 5 Comments

One of the most common characteristics of weak leaders is complaining about a lack of resources. Weak leaders frequently complain about a lack of resources no matter how many resources they have. That tends to make me think it’s more of an excuse rather than an actual issue. 

But even if they truly have a shortage of resources I still see it as more of an excuse than anything else. 

Weak leaders complain about too small a budget. They complain about too few people to get the job done. They complain about lack of time. 

The thing is, those complaints typically don’t limit a weak leader’s ability to complete a job or assignment, they prevent them from even starting. Strong Authentic Leaders do not allow the fact that they can’t do everything they would like to do prevent them from doing everything they can do. 

Authentic leaders who face limited resources prioritize what must get done. They separate the “nice to do” from the “must do” activities and then they develop a plan to get the “must do” things done. No excuses, no delays, no worries, no problem and no complaints.

I was on a call recently where in a 10 minute period of time someone in a leadership position complained at least a dozen times about what they couldn’t do because of a lack of resources. I couldn’t take it anymore so I asked them to please tell us what, if anything, they could do. 

They seem rather stumped. 

If you’re a leader who faces limited resources you simply must stop focusing on what you can’t do. Turn your attention to the things you can do. You must realize that there is a huge difference between no resources and limited resources. If you have people on your team, if you have dollars remaining in your budget then use those along with the 1440 minutes you definitely do have each day to accomplish as much as you possibly can. 

I realize you may not have the budget, people or time to do all that’s expected but you absolutely do have everything you need to do all that you can.

So do that!