What to Do When Someone Is Lying About You

A whole bunch of years ago, I sat down with my boss for my annual review. He had a kind of “interesting” way of doing things. His annual review process was not exactly how the corporate HR department had suggested it should be. We had the “real” review and then the one he submitted to HR. I actually liked that process because the one that went to HR was always better.

Now one thing you should know is that I completely respected this particular boss. He certainly had a few flaws but he was a leader. He helped his people do their best. He knew when to push, he knew when to let up. He was hard on people, while still being a people person.

So my “real” review began with him informing me that there was a lot of talk about my drinking problem. The “buzz” was that I was drinking on the job, coming into the office hours late, and consistently being one of the first people out the door at the end of the day. My drinking was negatively impacting every part of my job. Customers were noticing.

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I may have had a drinking problem, but it wasn’t really affecting my performance. I’ll admit I drank a lot, and I drank throughout the day. I’d stop on my way into the office at 5:30 a.m. and pick up my first 64 oz Diet Coke of the day. I’d pick up my second one during my early lunch at 11:00am. Frequently I’d pick up yet another on my way home about 4:30 or 5:00 p.m.

But… that wasn’t the drinking he was talking about. He was talking about my massive consumption of alcohol. Except he knew, and I knew he knew, that I didn’t drink alcohol at all. I knew he knew I was the first one in our division in the office most days. I knew he knew the talk of me being a drunk was complete and total bullshit.

But he wanted me to know that it was becoming the “buzz.” I had a pretty good idea where that lie had begun. I worked with a bunch of people who really did often drink to excess, and they seemed offended that I wouldn’t drink with them. So they decided to lie about me.

I suppose I should have been mad, but the lie was so outlandish that anyone who knew me also knew that it was laughable. So we laughed about it. Until one day I got a call from a very respected customer from a very prestigious account. He thought I should know that he had a meeting with my division’s Vice President. The customer made a comment that they appreciated the relationship they had with me and enjoyed working with me. The VP then told the customer that he was happy to hear that because not many customers would say that. He then told the customer about my massive drinking problem. Not a single customer had ever complained about me, but the VP had picked up the rumor about my drinking and, for whatever reason, ran with it. I know he also knew I didn’t drink, so he was simply spreading, and because of his position, giving credibility to the lie.

Well, the customer wasn’t just a customer; he was a friend, so he called me immediately. That’s when I got mad. I suppose I could have sued the VP and the company. I maybe could have gotten him fired. But as he shared with more people that I was a drunk, I decided to leverage the credibility I had in the industry to undermine his.

A few years later, when it came time for the prestigious account to renew their contract, the VP went to meet with them personally. He was told they didn’t do business with people they can’t trust, and his comments about me had caused them to lose trust in him and the company. I had changed divisions by then, so it didn’t really affect me. Truth be told, I was sad for the company but felt some level of satisfaction that the VP had lost the account.

As I think back on that period of my life, there are a few things I would have done differently. I certainly would have been more aggressive in professionally shutting down the rumors of my drinking. I had more than enough influence to handle it almost any way I wanted to, and I’m really not sure why I let it go.

Today, my advice to others would be to not do what I did. It is never a good thing to have others spreading lies about you. It can negatively impact your reputation because some people will believe almost anything. It can impact your self-esteem if you begin to doubt yourself or question why someone is lying about you.

Whether it’s a professional rival, a bitter acquaintance, or someone you once trusted, being the target of falsehoods can make you feel angry, helpless, and betrayed. So, based on my experience and what I’ve learned in the ensuing years, here are my suggestions on how to handle it when someone is lying about you — with wisdom, strength, and integrity.

Don’t React Impulsively

Your first instinct might be to confront the liar, lash out online, or try to “set the record straight” with anyone who will listen. Resist this. Emotional reactions often escalate the situation and give the liar more fuel. Take a breath. Step back. You need clarity, not chaos.

Document Everything

Keep records of what’s being said, who’s saying it, and when. Screenshots, emails, text messages — anything that preserves the false information can be important, especially if the situation escalates to legal action or a workplace investigation. Documentation also helps you detach emotionally and focus on facts.

Consider the Source and Their Motive

Ask yourself: Who is this person, really? Are they known for this kind of behavior? Are they projecting their own insecurities? Is there a hidden agenda — jealousy, control, or retaliation? Understanding the motive doesn’t excuse the lie, but it helps you choose the most effective way to respond.

Correct the Lie — Thoughtfully

If the lie has harmed your reputation or relationships, consider a calm and clear correction. This might mean speaking directly to the person involved or addressing the people affected. Focus on truth, not revenge. Example:
“I’ve heard that [false claim] is being said about me. Just to clarify, that’s not true. I’m happy to talk if you have any concerns.”
You don’t need to over-explain — just be concise and grounded.

Lean on Your Character

The truth has a way of surfacing, especially when your actions are consistent with your values. If you’ve built trust with others, one lie — even a loud one — won’t erase that. Let your integrity speak louder than the accusations. The people who matter will see through the noise.

Protect Your Mental Space

Lies can get under your skin. They can make you question your worth or feel isolated. Don’t let someone else’s dishonesty take up more space in your mind than it deserves. Limit how much time you spend thinking about the situation. Talk to a trusted friend if needed. You don’t have to carry it alone.

Know When to Take It Further

If the lie is defamatory, threatening your livelihood, or causing serious harm, you may need to seek professional help. That could mean HR involvement, legal counsel, or even law enforcement. You don’t have to tolerate abuse or defamation — there are systems in place to support you. Just keep in mind (and this won’t make my HR friends happy), but keep in mind HR represents the company, not you. They will do whatever they can to keep the company out of trouble, so always keep your guard up when talking with them.

Final Thought:
When someone lies about you, you’re not just fighting a rumor — you’re facing a test of character. Pass that test not by stooping to their level, but by rising above it. With calm, courage, and clarity, you can protect your name without losing your peace.