Tag Relationships

Living According to Your Core Values

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Many people struggle with setting meaningful goals for their life. Many of those same people find it difficult to make decisions, especially big, life altering decisions. A good number of those same people have relationship issues throughout their lives. They can’t quite seem to find their “match.”

All of those challenges have one underlying cause. That cause is Core Values.

Just to be clear, it is not a lack of Core Values. It is a lack of understanding exactly what their Core Values are. I believe everyone has Core Values, those values that are life defining. Values that are worth fighting for. Even values that are worth dying for.

But through the years I’ve come to realize that most people, perhaps even the vast majority of people, have invested scant time thinking and reflecting on what their Core Values actually are. Those Core Values are buried deep within them but not so deep that they don’t impact their thinking. Their ever present Core Values inform their thinking but they do so subconsciously.

When people know and understand their Core Values they bring them to the surface. Once surfaced their Core Values help them make better and bigger decisions. They inform them as to what goals truly matter long term. Their Core Values help them find and keep a person who will be their partner for the rest of their lives.

Core Values are a very big deal. They are an even bigger deal once you’ve determined your Core Values and decide to consciously live your life accordingly.

Determining your Core Values involves reflecting on what matters most to you in life. Start by considering experiences, beliefs, and principles that have consistently guided your decisions and actions. Ask yourself probing questions about what brings you fulfillment, what you stand for, and what you couldn’t live without. Write down a list of potential values, then narrow it down to the ones that resonate with you the most deeply. Your Core Values should reflect your authentic self and serve as a compass for making choices aligned with your true priorities.

Core Values vary from person to person, but some common examples include:

1. Integrity: Being honest, trustworthy, and acting with moral principles.

2. Respect: Treating others with dignity, empathy, and understanding.

3. Responsibility: Taking ownership of one’s actions and obligations.

4. Excellence: Striving for the highest quality and continuous improvement.

5. Compassion: Showing kindness, empathy, and care towards others.

6. Courage: Facing challenges with bravery and perseverance.

7. Equality: Believing in fairness and justice for all individuals.

8. Gratitude: Appreciating the blessings and expressing thankfulness.

9. Authenticity: Being true to oneself and living with transparency.

10. Collaboration: Working together and valuing teamwork and cooperation.

These are just a few examples, and individuals may prioritize different values based on their personal experiences, beliefs, and aspirations.

Actually living according to your Core Values involves aligning your actions, decisions, and behaviors with the principles that matter most to you. Here’s how you can do it.

Identify your core values. Reflect on what truly matters to you and define your core values. Write them down to have a clear understanding of what they are.

Integrate values into decision-making. When faced with choices or dilemmas, consider how each option aligns with your core values. Choose the path that resonates with your principles, even if it’s challenging.

Set goals aligned with your values. Define short-term and long-term goals that reflect your core values. This ensures that your actions are directed towards what you find meaningful and fulfilling.

Practice self-awareness. Regularly evaluate your thoughts, feelings, and actions to ensure they are consistent with your values. Adjust your behavior if you notice any discrepancies.

Communicate your values. Be open about your core values with others, including friends, family, and colleagues. This helps create authentic connections and fosters mutual understanding.

Stay true to yourself. Resist the temptation to compromise your values for external approval or short-term gains. Stand firm in your beliefs, even in the face of adversity.

Learn and grow. Continuously seek opportunities for personal growth and self-improvement that are in line with your core values. Embrace challenges as opportunities to strengthen your commitment to what matters most to you.

By consciously integrating your Core Values into your daily life, you can lead a more authentic, purposeful, and fulfilling existence. You will make better decisions, choose better friends, and set meaningful goals that motivate you to achieve your full potential. In short, you’ll live your very best life and you’ll know exactly how, and why you’re doing it.

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The Art of Diplomacy

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Life will always include some amount of conflict. Many people, including people in leadership positions, will go to great lengths to avoid engaging in conflict. Anything that is, except engaging in diplomacy.

Diplomacy makes it possible to resolve a conflict by working with people to find an outcome acceptable to all sides.

You may not believe that you are diplomatic enough to find middle ground with people of differing opinions. But it’s entirely possible you could be. Diplomacy is a skill and as I’ve written many times, skills can be developed through effort.

Being diplomatic involves managing communication and relationships well. It’s about navigating sensitive or contentious situations with tact, empathy, and consideration for others’ perspectives. If you’re interested in improving your diplomacy skills, here are some tips on how to make it happen.

Listen attentively. Understand the concerns, views, and feelings of others. Do so by actively listening without interruption. Show empathy and validate their feelings. Most importantly, listen with an open mind.

Choose words carefully. Use language that is neutral, respectful, and non-confrontational. Avoid inflammatory or accusatory language that could escalate tensions. It’s completely acceptable to have a few moments of silence in a conversation as you think about what you’re about to say. Never forget, once it’s said it can’t be unsaid. I’d rather people think I’m a slow thinking, slow talking individual than to say something I can’t unsay.

Focus on common ground. Find areas of agreement or shared goals. They will build rapport and a positive foundation for discussion. Even the smallest point of agreement can be a building block for a future resolution.

Acknowledge differences. Respectfully acknowledge differing viewpoints without dismissing or belittling them. Validate others’ perspectives even if you disagree. Remember, if you were them, with an identical upbringing and background, you would likely think exactly as they do. It’s not that they are necessary wrong, it’s just that they think different, based on their different upbringing.

Stay calm and composed. Maintain a calm demeanor, even in challenging situations. Avoid reacting impulsively or emotionally, as this can escalate conflicts. Think of it this way, if you lose control of your emotions, you lose.

Seek understanding. Ask clarifying questions to understand others’ concerns and motivations. This demonstrates your willingness to listen and collaborate.

Avoid blame and criticism. Instead of blaming or criticizing others, focus on solving problems and finding solutions.

Offer solutions. Propose compromises that address everyone’s concerns. Be open to negotiation and flexible in finding mutually beneficial outcomes.

Consider timing and context. Be mindful of when and where discussions take place. Choose appropriate settings and timing to have sensitive conversations. If someone doesn’t have time to talk then it’s best not to try and make them talk.

Maintain confidentiality. Respect confidentiality when discussing sensitive matters. Avoid sharing private information without permission. As they saying goes, two can keep a secret if one of them is dead. So when you’re told something in confidence, keep it confidential.

Build trust. Show truth, honor, and reliability in your actions. This will build trust over time.

After reaching agreements, follow up. Check that commitments are honored and that any issues are addressed.

By practicing these diplomatic strategies you can use diplomacy to resolve issues without starting a war. You can handle tough situations well. You can also build better relationships. This will create a more positive and productive environment.

It’ll build a happier you and in all likelihood, a happier “them” as well.

Want more LeadToday? Many of you know I’m very active on X, the social media platform formerly known as Twitter. I post a lot of free content there but I also post 6-10 minute videos two or three times a week. These videos are focused on principles of leadership and living your best life. They are “uncommon” common sense topics designed to help people push themselves to their full potential. Every video is available to subscribers who invest $4.99 a month for their future success. If you’re willing to push yourself towards the life you want and deserve my videos may just be the extra nudge you need to get there. Find your way over to X and follow me there. Once you’ve followed me you can subscribe on a month by month basis just by clicking the subscribe button. Remember, an investment in yourself ALWAYS pays dividends! You’ll find my timeline here: twitter.com/leadtoday

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Keeping Your Ego in Check

Steve Keating 1 Comment

If you’re human then you have an ego. It’s healthy to feed it from time to time with positive affirmations and careful, honest introspection. If you’re a leader then one of your responsibilities is to also feed the ego of your people. Small portions are definitely recommended here. Positive, thoughtful recognition will help your people stay engaged in your organization. It also motivates them to consistently give their best effort.

The problem with an ego begins when it’s over fed. Even a little too much “ego food” can cause us to look like a boring braggart. It can make you seem like a person who thinks they are better than anyone around them. It’s a good idea to periodically, or even frequently, get on the ego scale.  You need to make certain yours isn’t getting a little too big. 

Here’s a few thoughts on keeping your ego in check.

  1. Become aware of your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This will help you recognize when your ego is taking over and when you need to take a step back from the ego buffet table.
  1. Humility is the opposite of ego. Practice humility by acknowledging your weaknesses. Always be open to feedback. Invest time to show appreciation for others. If you find it difficult to be humble I’d suggest you refer back to point #1. 
  1. Be mindful of your actions and words. Pay attention to the way you interact with others. Avoid dominating conversations, belittling others, or boasting about your accomplishments. If you need to constantly tell people how good you are at something it’s most likely that you’re actually not all that good. If you’re actually good at something other people will tell you, you won’t have to tell them.
  1. Adopt a growth mindset. Focus on learning and improving rather than proving yourself or being right all the time. If by some small chance, you actually are the smartest person in the room then you may want to consider finding yourself a different room. 
  1. Practice empathy: Empathy allows you to understand and relate to others, which can help you keep your ego in check. When you practice empathy, you are less likely to put your needs and desires above those of others.
  1. Surround yourself with people who challenge you. Being around people who have different perspectives and skills can help you stay humble and open-minded. When you are frequently around incredibly smart people it’s like being on an ego diet. 
  1. Start each day by considering what you have to be grateful for. Cultivating a sense of gratitude can help you appreciate the contributions of others. It will help you reduce the need to constantly prove yourself. And by the way, never miss an opportunity to tell people why you’re grateful to have them in your life. You may make their day and it’s highly likely you’ll make your own as well.

When you put these ideas into practice you can keep your ego in check and develop stronger relationships with others. And that is always a good thing!

Want more of LeadToday? I’ve changed things up on my Twitter feed for subscribers. I recently began publishing two or three videos each week focusing on an element of Authentic Leadership. I’ll post these videos each Tuesday and Thursday morning. Sometimes a bonus video pops up at other times during the week. They will be about 10 minutes long so we can get into the topic in a more meaningful way. The investment for subscribers in still only $4.99 a month. That’s for at least 80 MINUTES of quality video content on leadership a month.

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Here’s the link to my Twitter… https://twitter.com/leadtoday

Exactly Who is the Idiot Here?

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Hint…there are no idiots! 

I received a call from someone the other day asking for ideas on how they could build better relationships with their work colleagues. They were really struggling in this area because they don’t like working with people who are idiots. Idiot was their choice of words, not mine. 

I knew this was going to be an interesting conversation because I almost instantly believed I had figured out why this person might be “relationship challenged.” 

I began by asking how committed they were to improving their relationship with co-workers. They said they were very committed. I asked how they came to be “very” committed. They didn’t understand my question so I asked what caused them to become committed enough today to ask for help.  I pointed out that they could have asked yesterday or last week or last month.  

They replied that it had been recommended by their supervisor that they figure out a way to have these “better relationships.” That would be important if they hoped to advance within the company. 

Now that I understood the “motivation” for developing better relationships I asked them to quantify their level of commitment on a scale of one to ten. They immediately said a ten! Then I asked them to quantify their commitment level absent the “recommendation” from their boss. They had to think about that for a bit and eventually settled on a 3. 

When I asked why such a low commitment level they answered that they didn’t believe it was their responsibility to work well with idiots…there’s that word again. 

So then I asked if they could tell when talking with others if the person they were talking with thought they were an idiot. They answered yes. I asked how they could tell and they answered, “you just can.” Then I asked if that was some special gift of insight they possessed or if they thought other people could sense that as well. 

There was a rather lengthy silence on the phone at this point. 

I tried to lighten up the conversation a little bit by saying with a chuckle, “I think we may have discovered the way to better working relationships with your colleagues.”

They said they would stop thinking of others as idiots when they stopped being idiots. So I went back to my questioning. I asked how they interacted with people who treated them with disrespect, almost as if they were say… an idiot.

A bit more silence before I heard “I’ll treat “them” better when they treat me better.” 

I asked again about that commitment level of ten and why it was so high. They said they wanted a leadership position in their company and they knew they needed better relationships to get it. 

I told them that they already have a leadership position they just have to use it. Step one would be treating people, ALL PEOPLE, with respect. I said that would be easier to do if we realize that everyone knows something we don’t and we can learn from anyone. It’s unlikely we’re actually working with idiots. We are working with people who think differently than we do because their life experiences are different. 

They don’t know less than we do, they know different than we do. That means we can learn from them. It means we can learn from anyone. 

When we change our mindset from one of “people are idiots” to one of “I can learn from anyone” our relationships improve dramatically overnight. If you want better relationships with other people then don’t try to change them. Change your thinking about them.

That is what an Authentic Leader would do. If you want a higher position of leadership you should understand that you must lead from where you are before you can lead from somewhere else.

Do Relationships Still Matter?

Steve Keating 6 Comments

There is a growing school of thought, an alarming school of thought if you ask me, that Business Relationships don’t matter as much as they used to. Some would say they don’t matter at all.

There is research that shows that could be true. Generation Z, the generation now entering the workforce is said to prefer “digital contact” over face-to-face contact, especially in business dealings.

Some people say that’s true also of Millennials but the research would disagree. Kind of. It’s only the trailing edge of millennials who prefer less face-to-face business dealings. Leading edge millennials felt that way but as they get older they look, act, speak and do much as the boomer generation who came before them.

There is no reason to think the younger millennials and Gen Z won’t age in the same way.

People and organizations who believe they can eliminate or minimize the importance of business relationships do so at their own risk. People buy and do business with other people they like and can trust. TRUST ONLY COMES FROM RELATIONSHIPS!

Without trust a customer is left to make their buying decisions on other factors, like ease of buying, reputation of the product and of course price. Without trust there will be no customer loyalty nor should there be.

It’s a bit of a scary day when I’m called “old school” because I believe relationships matter. At the foundation of that belief is another belief…one that says people matter. Every aspect of life revolves around our interactions with other people. If you can build solid personal relationships and business relationships you’ll simply have a better life and a better business.

If you don’t agree with that today then one day you will. I only hope for your sake you realize the importance of relationships before you let to much of what life is made of pass you by.

Compromising Relationships

Steve Keating 4 Comments

I’m pretty certain that the biggest challenge when it comes to compromising stems from the fact that no one wants to lose. Ever! 

 

What most people fail to realize however is that true compromise is not about winning and losing. It is about allowing both sides of the compromise to maintain self-respect. A compromise can be found in any situation and it can, in fact it must, be found without sacrificing core values. 

 

If you’re truly interested in finding a compromise in difficult circumstances then you must stop trying to always be right. Admitting you are wrong about something, whether it is a fact, an opinion or some emotion driven thinking is not a loss. It is not a sign of weakness or stupidity. It is a sign of courage and emotional strength. The moment you realize that you are wrong about something admit it and move on. 

 

To find compromise you must be willing to let some things go. Humans say and do the most regrettable things when they are emotional. You most certainly have and it’s likely that you are willing to cut yourself a fair amount of slack for saying or doing whatever. You cut yourself that slack because you realize that you were emotional. You must also realize that the other party to your compromise is an emotional being as well. Cut them some slack!

 

You may enter into a discussion with one set of expectations but that doesn’t mean your expectations can’t change as a result of the discussion. Be willing to change your expectations, again that is not a sign of losing. It is a sign that you’re strong enough to realize that sometimes the only way to get something is to give something. 

 

Hiding your true feelings when searching for a compromise does not work. Share how you feel and value the other person’s feelings as much as you want them to value yours.

 

Finding a compromise requires that both parties keep an open mind. Personally I try to remember that I can be wrong about most anything at almost any time. That’s probably true for you too. 

 

Relationships are what make life worth living. When we forget that we put every relationship we have in grave danger. A long time ago a great friend of mine gave me some life changing advice. I was struggling with some issues with our daughter and this very wise man asked me a simple question.

 

He asked what was more important, proving I was right or my relationship with my daughter. That simple question changed my approach to every relationship I have.

 

There is no such thing as a neutral human interaction. Every time you interact with another human being you leave them feeling either better or worse about themselves and their life situation. Every single time!


Find a compromise that makes them…and you, feel better about each other. You will never regret it!


How to Build Meaningful Relationships

Steve Keating 4 Comments

That’s kind of a big title for this little post. It might make a better title for a book because there are many things that go into building meaningful human relationships. For the purposes of this post however we’re going to look at four ideas that can make a positive difference in your relationships. 

 

I make no distinction between business and personal relationships. When you’re good at building relationships you understand that there are more similarities than there are differences in those two types of relationships. 

 

If you want strong, healthy and meaningful relationships with other people you first need a strong healthy relationship with yourself. You will need to understand the vast difference between loving yourself (very healthy) and being in love with yourself. (not so healthy) 

 

The best builders of relationships, especially long-term relationships, are comfortable with themselves. They know what they know and even more important they know what they don’t know. The don’t hold unrealistic expectations for themselves and have no need to be “better” than everyone else. 

 

They do their best in any given situation and let the chips fall where they may. These people make the choice to be happy as often as they realistically can. They have no expectation that other people or “stuff” will make them happy. They don’t look to others for their happiness, they look within.

 

People who build the strongest relationships practice healthy amnesia. They forget the slights and pettiness of other people. They remember how easy it is to take someone for granted. They don’t hold it against someone else if that person sometimes seems to take them for granted. They know when to overlook the faults of others. They work hard at “forgetting” to share those faults with a third party. They understand that you cannot build meaningful relationships by gossiping. 

 

People build meaningful relationships by maintaining a positive attitude. They tend to light up a room when they enter it. People look forward to interacting with positive people and actually seek them out. Relationship builders do their best to make the other person feel better about themselves and their situation. One of Dale Carnegie’s principles from How to Win Friends and Influence People says that we should be genuinely interested in other people. That describes a characteristic of all great relationship builders. 

 

If you want to build meaningful relationships then don’t wait to be asked for help. Don’t offer to help and then do nothing when your offer is declined. Just help! Don’t be a pest, don’t force your help on someone,  but be creative and find a way to help. Don’t worry about getting “credit” for helping, just help. That caring attitude will come through in every interaction with other people. They will be drawn to you. 

 

I know that helping other people before being asked, or before receiving permission, may seem like “butting in.” It may offend someone. You should know that building any relationship comes with risks and helping other people is a risk worth taking. I’ve asked many people “if” I could help hoping that they would say no or not answer at all. “Be sure to let me know if there is anything I can do” is too often a hollow offer of help.

 

Say “I want to help so I’m going to_________________, and then do it!


Meaningful human relationships are the treasure that makes life worth living. Like anything of value it takes effort to keep them meaningful. I can promise you that it is effort you will never regret.